Sometimes I sit down to write and I turn on the optimism that floats above the moment.  I think of all the experiences I encounter and try to put the positive spin on all that happens.  I try to find the better, the nicer version of what is happening.  But a lot of times I brush over the parts that really matter.  I leave out the important struggles so I still have plenty of time to sugar coat the story and give it a happy ending.  Sugar coating can only tell part of the story, at some point I have to change the focus and bring it around for that all important silver lining. 

January is coming to an end.  We are well over the holidays.  Most of us are getting good at writing 2018, and we are getting some of the structure and consistency back after the chaos of December.  But the end of January is also the time when the excitement of those 2018 goals have worn off.  Maybe the reality of working really hard towards your goal has kicked into high gear.  Maybe the goals were too grand.  Or maybe you are smashing your goals and making them into easy habits.  If you fall somewhere short this month, if the struggle is beginning to set in.  Relax, it is time to take a deep breath and put it all into perspective. 

It is officially a new year.  The holiday lights are disappearing and the long winter nights are settling in.  It is time to restart and begin planning out our year ahead.  It is time to leave the past in 2017.  As someone who always wants to know where the finish is before I start, this is always a hard time to navigate.  I really want to know what is ahead, what is in store for me before I venture too far out.  So I start where it is easies, I begin with prioritizing my time with family, friends and teaching.  I start penciling in vacations and birthdays and girls nights and even a few lazy days.   

I love this time of year.  I love the slowness that life takes on once Christmas is over.  I have to remind myself that the holidays are a season, not a day.  It is not a build up to one day, but it is a whole bunch of little memories and traditions and experiences that create a season.  And when Christmas is over, the season is not yet finished.  There is still time to enjoy the festivities, but without a lot of the pressure.  This last week or so of the season can be filled with a sigh of relief and relaxation.

As we near the end of the year and enter into the holiday season, there seems to be too little time and a whole lot of obligations.  Our weekends start getting filled up and our weekdays become a time of overflowing with activities.  The days are short and dark and the weather never seems to cooperate with our needs.  There is so much planning and doing, helping and extending, but what are we doing for ourselves? 

The weekends are a time to recharge.  They are a time to enjoy the evenings without worrying about getting the kids off to school in the morning, no lunches to make, no early wake ups.  They are a time to stay out a little later without having to get up and get off to work before the sun has risen. 

I was sitting here, looking at my computer.  I kept thinking that I have so much to say but I just can’t seem to form it into the thoughts that would make sense in the written form.  My thoughts would begin in one direction and then move into a completely different direction.  I couldn’t seem to find a way to make sense of all the things going on right now. 

So often we look at the way someone looks or the way they act and we wish we could be like them.  We try to figure out what their secret to success is.  Well, there is no secret to success.  One size doesn't fit all.  If life were that simple we wouldn’t have to learn from our mistakes because people would have already made those mistakes.  Mistakes and all, we have to own who we are. 

The holidays are knocking at our doors, waiting for us to open up and fill our homes with decorations we never knew we needed or wanted.  Walking through the grocery stores we are bombarded with the constant reminder that it is time to start planning, buying, and scheduling all our holiday festivities.  I know it is only the middle of October.

My partner in all things life is gone, and yes I know I said it last week.  I want today to go by and this week to go by and this month to go by and then this 10 months to go by.  I want all this time to just disappear so that I can get my partner back.  Ok, I don’t really want to skip ahead 10 months, but I sort of do.   Dreading these 10 months has left me open to the idea that I don’t actually want to erase this time.